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Post by Nicole on Oct 6, 2005 18:20:19 GMT -5
The days have been going by so fast Dad, and I am missing you. I am missing the "you" I knew once a long time ago. Sometimes I wish I could sit down with you and make a big steaming pot of thick black mud. Just like you used to when you lived with Paula. Or rather, when her spirit lived with you after her death.
You tried to rid the house of everything that belonged to her because you wanted to dissasociate yourself with her presence. You wanted her gone from your life and you could not fathom seeing her things in that house even hours after she passed away.
Not sure why you did this. I speculate it has something to do with the way that she passed away and your involvement in it. It pains me deeply to know what you did.
Now knowing you will pass soon. Not sure when. Knowing your life is even more than half over pains me. It pains me because I know for certain that you will not live long, and I can not speak to you. For my own sanity, I can not speak to you. You will harm my mental state of mind and I can not believe one word that you say. You are a fast talker.
It is really hard to love you. It has been all of my life.
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