Post by Nicole on Dec 23, 2005 16:29:08 GMT -5
I had a dream that Mike took my computer away and when I asked him where it was he said that he sent it to a repair shop and gave me a phone number to call. So I called the number many times and no one answered (733-6429) So I kept bugging the shit out of him asking when would it be ready and could I pick it up but he ignored me and shut his door.
So I knew there was no use and I laid on my bed and I put my hands into my pillow and I cried. I cried all day and all night and worried into dawn the next day because D had not heard from me and I thought that he would be angry or frustrated with me. I cried so hard that my eyes felt like popping out of my head and they were weak. I could not eat I could not sleep and I could not care for my children because all I was doing was crying and blowing the snot from my nose feeling sorry for myself.
My eyes ached and I hurt the next morning from puking my guts out after crying and snotting so much in the trash. Thoughts of losing him made me want to die. I just puked and then went back to bed with two rolls of toilet paper next to me and a big soft blue blanket next to my home made blanket as well.
The next morning I woke up and my head was pounding. My eyes felt sunk into my head and I knew that I would have to send snail mail because I would never see my computer again. At that time I did not have the energy to use the pen even to write on paper. My children were home with me and Mike went to work. I failed to bring the oldest to school because I felt so sick and was unable to drive.
Breakfast was forgotten about and lunch was toasted cheese sandwiches in milk since I needed to take a tylenol and go back to bed. I did not clean, I did not do anything until later in the evening about 4pm my head felt a bit better and I sat down to write the letter with a pencil because I could not find a pen.
"Lets hope he responds"
I thought in my head.
Then I wrote it.
I went back to bed for three days and then I got up and started half heartedly cleaning.
After the three days and in between the time I had not heard from him Mike was trying very very hard to get me back. To tell me that he was not seeing anyone else. To tell me that he loved me. To tell me that if I just stopped speaking to D I would get my computer back.
I pretended to care and pretended that I was listening to Mike and going along with him.
Inside I wanted to choke his living lights out.
So I knew there was no use and I laid on my bed and I put my hands into my pillow and I cried. I cried all day and all night and worried into dawn the next day because D had not heard from me and I thought that he would be angry or frustrated with me. I cried so hard that my eyes felt like popping out of my head and they were weak. I could not eat I could not sleep and I could not care for my children because all I was doing was crying and blowing the snot from my nose feeling sorry for myself.
My eyes ached and I hurt the next morning from puking my guts out after crying and snotting so much in the trash. Thoughts of losing him made me want to die. I just puked and then went back to bed with two rolls of toilet paper next to me and a big soft blue blanket next to my home made blanket as well.
The next morning I woke up and my head was pounding. My eyes felt sunk into my head and I knew that I would have to send snail mail because I would never see my computer again. At that time I did not have the energy to use the pen even to write on paper. My children were home with me and Mike went to work. I failed to bring the oldest to school because I felt so sick and was unable to drive.
Breakfast was forgotten about and lunch was toasted cheese sandwiches in milk since I needed to take a tylenol and go back to bed. I did not clean, I did not do anything until later in the evening about 4pm my head felt a bit better and I sat down to write the letter with a pencil because I could not find a pen.
"Lets hope he responds"
I thought in my head.
Then I wrote it.
I went back to bed for three days and then I got up and started half heartedly cleaning.
After the three days and in between the time I had not heard from him Mike was trying very very hard to get me back. To tell me that he was not seeing anyone else. To tell me that he loved me. To tell me that if I just stopped speaking to D I would get my computer back.
I pretended to care and pretended that I was listening to Mike and going along with him.
Inside I wanted to choke his living lights out.