Post by Nicole on Oct 30, 2004 21:50:41 GMT -5
Last week I started writing another woman after the lesbian woman I was writing to got pissed at me and told me what a peice of crap that she thought I was because I was married with children.
So I wrote this other one, and then I thought 'and why the hell did you do that?'
Chalked it up to that I was bored.
Atleast I had the common sense to tell her I'd like to be friends. err, if that is common sense at all.
I didn't say anything to her about my ex. I have kept that part of me inside. I don't want to be falling all over someone regarding my ex. I want a fresh start and I am treating this as a fresh start. This is not the end of my life and I am realizing that more and more every single day. "I want to be who I am". That doesn't include affairs with people I hardly know and it doesn't include blowing 20.00 on gas to go into the middle of nowhere to go meet a woman even if she is hot. So that in 2 weeks she can tell me to f**k right off because I am not good enough for her. I want someone, but I don't want them bad enough to sacrafice myself. I do not want them bad enough to bargain all that I am. I am going to be strong. I am going to be ahead. Most of all I am going to be the one in the lead at all times. I am not going to allow my gaurd down for a long time. It is not even worth the heartache and pain. I am going to be friends. I am going to 'like' the person I love. I am going to enjoy her because she gives me the attention and love that I need. I am going to like her because she thinks I am cool as well. I am not going to wait for the sky to fall, but I am going to wait. I am not going to sleep with any woman.
So I wrote this other one, and then I thought 'and why the hell did you do that?'
Chalked it up to that I was bored.
Atleast I had the common sense to tell her I'd like to be friends. err, if that is common sense at all.
I didn't say anything to her about my ex. I have kept that part of me inside. I don't want to be falling all over someone regarding my ex. I want a fresh start and I am treating this as a fresh start. This is not the end of my life and I am realizing that more and more every single day. "I want to be who I am". That doesn't include affairs with people I hardly know and it doesn't include blowing 20.00 on gas to go into the middle of nowhere to go meet a woman even if she is hot. So that in 2 weeks she can tell me to f**k right off because I am not good enough for her. I want someone, but I don't want them bad enough to sacrafice myself. I do not want them bad enough to bargain all that I am. I am going to be strong. I am going to be ahead. Most of all I am going to be the one in the lead at all times. I am not going to allow my gaurd down for a long time. It is not even worth the heartache and pain. I am going to be friends. I am going to 'like' the person I love. I am going to enjoy her because she gives me the attention and love that I need. I am going to like her because she thinks I am cool as well. I am not going to wait for the sky to fall, but I am going to wait. I am not going to sleep with any woman.