Post by Nicole on Oct 29, 2004 19:52:30 GMT -5
Today I had some trainings for the job at CMH.
Mike picked up Lelia early from school because she had a half day. Err, that actually means he picked her up on time. He bought me a pedometer so that maybe starting tomarrow I can keep track of my steps. Seems like I've gained some weight.
I've been thinking about dying my hair back, but I have to get a little more money in my hands first. Time to strip it all down to what I am, and what I want to be. I am not afraid to go back to what I was, and to be who I have always been. I just need a little bit of time and some more money. Maybe by the spring I will be back to my old self again. Maybe it won't happen till the summer. I can tell you for sure though, it is going to happen.
Angela called today. It was nice to hear her voice on the line.
I keep wondering why she is calling me when she is so blinded and filled full of love for Mia. I want to believe it is out of friendship, but it is hard to understand A, sometimes. I do know what I want and what she wants will never be the same and we can't ever go there again.
Atleast she is upfront with me and doesn't try to play games with my emotions. Bootie call later? Maybe if we wanted to play it that way, but probally not.
She lost weight the last time I seen her. She looked so damn good I couldn't believe it. I still have the image in my mind. Good for her.
I miss just being in an honest open friendship with her. I kinda wish she wasn't different than she used to be.
I miss Nelson so badley. He hasn't been online and I haven't talked to him lately. I am about to go check on him if I don't hear from him soon. I have been really broke lately. Just trying to catch the bills up again.
I had some lingerae ordered and something went wrong with the payment which wasn't my fault. Needless to say I won't be doing business with that company anymore. I would be surprised if I recieve a payment back.
So I sit here in my puter chair. All the wonders come to me and I realize that I am in control now. I don't have to let anyone in if I don't want. I don't know what came over me writing 2 women off the internet. I am glad the first one was the way she was. I just got bored I guess. Just asked for 'frienship'. That is a window that I would like to open with a bifemale, but as far as my bed, my heart, and my feelings are concerned..... uhhh no.
Nope.
Nope.
A wise person told me:
You can love whomever you want to love. Your love may never change for that person. Just because you are not together doesn't mean that you have to stop loving that person. You can even move on and love someone new (ever love more than one child at a time?). You just have to realize that the person is not available to you, or right for you. You don't have to stop loving that person.
Mike picked up Lelia early from school because she had a half day. Err, that actually means he picked her up on time. He bought me a pedometer so that maybe starting tomarrow I can keep track of my steps. Seems like I've gained some weight.
I've been thinking about dying my hair back, but I have to get a little more money in my hands first. Time to strip it all down to what I am, and what I want to be. I am not afraid to go back to what I was, and to be who I have always been. I just need a little bit of time and some more money. Maybe by the spring I will be back to my old self again. Maybe it won't happen till the summer. I can tell you for sure though, it is going to happen.
Angela called today. It was nice to hear her voice on the line.
I keep wondering why she is calling me when she is so blinded and filled full of love for Mia. I want to believe it is out of friendship, but it is hard to understand A, sometimes. I do know what I want and what she wants will never be the same and we can't ever go there again.
Atleast she is upfront with me and doesn't try to play games with my emotions. Bootie call later? Maybe if we wanted to play it that way, but probally not.
She lost weight the last time I seen her. She looked so damn good I couldn't believe it. I still have the image in my mind. Good for her.
I miss just being in an honest open friendship with her. I kinda wish she wasn't different than she used to be.
I miss Nelson so badley. He hasn't been online and I haven't talked to him lately. I am about to go check on him if I don't hear from him soon. I have been really broke lately. Just trying to catch the bills up again.
I had some lingerae ordered and something went wrong with the payment which wasn't my fault. Needless to say I won't be doing business with that company anymore. I would be surprised if I recieve a payment back.
So I sit here in my puter chair. All the wonders come to me and I realize that I am in control now. I don't have to let anyone in if I don't want. I don't know what came over me writing 2 women off the internet. I am glad the first one was the way she was. I just got bored I guess. Just asked for 'frienship'. That is a window that I would like to open with a bifemale, but as far as my bed, my heart, and my feelings are concerned..... uhhh no.
Nope.
Nope.
A wise person told me:
You can love whomever you want to love. Your love may never change for that person. Just because you are not together doesn't mean that you have to stop loving that person. You can even move on and love someone new (ever love more than one child at a time?). You just have to realize that the person is not available to you, or right for you. You don't have to stop loving that person.