Post by Leels on May 7, 2021 0:18:40 GMT -5
Dear Journal,
May 7, 2021
I am worried about Nathan again tonight. He asked his old boss to have his job back part-time but I feel like he's going to end up doing what he did in the beginning and just start pulling double shifts every night again. He ran out of money trying to make money making weed cookies and he felt that was the only crutch he could fall back on. He laughed maniacally after he told me he asked for the position back and said hurtful words about himself saying that he's "so pathetic," "so sad." I wish he didn't feel that way and that he could see himself the way I do.
This morning he asked me, shockingly, "So, how's Thomas been doin?" It shook me to hear his name in Nathan's mouth especially because I haven't talked to or seen Thomas in several weeks. I told him that. He clarified, "Two." He's been monitoring my messages with Thomas, as I suspected he would, and the frequency that they are happening. I know that's not normal, but I also feel he has a right to know especially considering what he's been through in the past. Anyhow, it felt really bitter down my throat to hear the words come out of his mouth and something turned in my mind that told me I never want to hear that name in Nathan's mouth ever again. I went to messenger when I left and lied to Thomas, telling him I've picked up a job with Audre. And he's an idiot, so it's not like he's going to check.
This evening, I texted Nathan and he was very quiet. I told him his package arrived and I tried to speak to him about the Doordashing he said he wanted to do with me. I told him that I don't think he's pathetic at all and that I feel he just needs some stability. All he said was, "K." I assume something was wrong and that he didn't want to talk to me about it. I hope it has nothing to do with Thomas because I don't want that drama in my life. I've grown to see that Thomas is actually pretty fucking annoying and that I need someone that I can hold an intellectual conversation with. I just wished him a goodnight and asked him to at least try and get some sleep. He just answered, "Goodnight." Normally he sends a kissy-face emoji with it, but not tonight. To some extent, I wonder if his childrens' birthday(s) are coming up and if he's having issues because of that. I can't remember the time of year they have their birthdays, but I remember that Nathan had a very hard time with not seeing them last year. It made him very depressed. I just hope very much that he is okay. I love him and I don't want anything bad to happen to him.
May 7, 2021
I am worried about Nathan again tonight. He asked his old boss to have his job back part-time but I feel like he's going to end up doing what he did in the beginning and just start pulling double shifts every night again. He ran out of money trying to make money making weed cookies and he felt that was the only crutch he could fall back on. He laughed maniacally after he told me he asked for the position back and said hurtful words about himself saying that he's "so pathetic," "so sad." I wish he didn't feel that way and that he could see himself the way I do.
This morning he asked me, shockingly, "So, how's Thomas been doin?" It shook me to hear his name in Nathan's mouth especially because I haven't talked to or seen Thomas in several weeks. I told him that. He clarified, "Two." He's been monitoring my messages with Thomas, as I suspected he would, and the frequency that they are happening. I know that's not normal, but I also feel he has a right to know especially considering what he's been through in the past. Anyhow, it felt really bitter down my throat to hear the words come out of his mouth and something turned in my mind that told me I never want to hear that name in Nathan's mouth ever again. I went to messenger when I left and lied to Thomas, telling him I've picked up a job with Audre. And he's an idiot, so it's not like he's going to check.
This evening, I texted Nathan and he was very quiet. I told him his package arrived and I tried to speak to him about the Doordashing he said he wanted to do with me. I told him that I don't think he's pathetic at all and that I feel he just needs some stability. All he said was, "K." I assume something was wrong and that he didn't want to talk to me about it. I hope it has nothing to do with Thomas because I don't want that drama in my life. I've grown to see that Thomas is actually pretty fucking annoying and that I need someone that I can hold an intellectual conversation with. I just wished him a goodnight and asked him to at least try and get some sleep. He just answered, "Goodnight." Normally he sends a kissy-face emoji with it, but not tonight. To some extent, I wonder if his childrens' birthday(s) are coming up and if he's having issues because of that. I can't remember the time of year they have their birthdays, but I remember that Nathan had a very hard time with not seeing them last year. It made him very depressed. I just hope very much that he is okay. I love him and I don't want anything bad to happen to him.