Post by Leels on Aug 25, 2020 18:16:06 GMT -5
Dear Journal,
August 25, 2020
There are still days where I feel like I want to jump off a bridge. Today is not one of those days, but I was thinking about it last night. I was thinking about how alone I feel every single day. And I wondered what would happen if I'd jumped off a bridge and left this earth. I imagined the scene as a peaceful death. I would fall through the air and into the water. Afterwards, the scene went blank. Today, I find myself thinking of the loneliness as well. But I just know that jumping off a bridge would be anything but peaceful. I would drown in the water if I couldn't find my way back up in time. It would be a struggle as I'd gasp for air. I think my mom at the very least would be devastated. And these kittens wouldn't be taken care of. I wish I wouldn't ponder death as much as I do.
Today is a Tuesday and my sister usually comes over on Tuesdays and eats something with my mom and I but she decided not to come over. Mom took her to Hobby Lobby and is bringing her home after that. Paul got himself a girlfriend (wonder how long this one's gonna last) and is spending a lot of time with her. Nathan got mad at me the other day over a stupid mask, so I don't know if I want to talk to him for awhile.
I can't believe how much this plandemic is tearing everyone apart. My grandma, Michael Rucker and my boyfriend for some reason think it's real and that a piece of fabric over your breathing holes is going to stop a virus that is smaller than the fabric holes. Meanwhile, there are people literally pulling their shirts over their faces, taping tissues and plastic bags over their faces to pass. Are they sick? No. They're just tired of the bullshit lies.
The other night, Nathan and I were at Wesco and he wanted me to come in with him. He said I need a mask to go into the store and I held one up that is made out of fishnet. He asked, "What is that." I replied, "It's a mask." He asked, "Why??" and I said, "Because you can wear anything as a mask and they won't say SHIT." He sighed and sat down in my car and wouldn't talk to me. He accused me of shutting down when I told him I no longer want anything from the gas station and that I have food at home. He had me drive back to his house so that he could pick up some fast food he'd forgotten. He got back in the car and didn't speak to me for awhile. He just sat there looking dumb with his mask inside my car as if my car was going to give him the virus. I don't know why he didn't just go back into his house and stay there because the entire night wasn't that great and he just seemed more irritated than usual.
August 25, 2020
There are still days where I feel like I want to jump off a bridge. Today is not one of those days, but I was thinking about it last night. I was thinking about how alone I feel every single day. And I wondered what would happen if I'd jumped off a bridge and left this earth. I imagined the scene as a peaceful death. I would fall through the air and into the water. Afterwards, the scene went blank. Today, I find myself thinking of the loneliness as well. But I just know that jumping off a bridge would be anything but peaceful. I would drown in the water if I couldn't find my way back up in time. It would be a struggle as I'd gasp for air. I think my mom at the very least would be devastated. And these kittens wouldn't be taken care of. I wish I wouldn't ponder death as much as I do.
Today is a Tuesday and my sister usually comes over on Tuesdays and eats something with my mom and I but she decided not to come over. Mom took her to Hobby Lobby and is bringing her home after that. Paul got himself a girlfriend (wonder how long this one's gonna last) and is spending a lot of time with her. Nathan got mad at me the other day over a stupid mask, so I don't know if I want to talk to him for awhile.
I can't believe how much this plandemic is tearing everyone apart. My grandma, Michael Rucker and my boyfriend for some reason think it's real and that a piece of fabric over your breathing holes is going to stop a virus that is smaller than the fabric holes. Meanwhile, there are people literally pulling their shirts over their faces, taping tissues and plastic bags over their faces to pass. Are they sick? No. They're just tired of the bullshit lies.
The other night, Nathan and I were at Wesco and he wanted me to come in with him. He said I need a mask to go into the store and I held one up that is made out of fishnet. He asked, "What is that." I replied, "It's a mask." He asked, "Why??" and I said, "Because you can wear anything as a mask and they won't say SHIT." He sighed and sat down in my car and wouldn't talk to me. He accused me of shutting down when I told him I no longer want anything from the gas station and that I have food at home. He had me drive back to his house so that he could pick up some fast food he'd forgotten. He got back in the car and didn't speak to me for awhile. He just sat there looking dumb with his mask inside my car as if my car was going to give him the virus. I don't know why he didn't just go back into his house and stay there because the entire night wasn't that great and he just seemed more irritated than usual.