Post by Leels on May 20, 2020 0:55:13 GMT -5
Dear Journal,
May 29, 2018
Last night, Nathan came over and practically resurfaced all of my problems. He pried at me. He's mad because of my indecisiveness. He told me that if I can't make up my mind about the little things such as, "what do you want to watch," then that means I can't make up my mind about the larger choices in life. The ripping and tearing he did. He looked me in the eye and bluntly asked me, "Lelia, what happened to you?" as if he knew that I haven't been indecisive ALL of my life. He prodded all night. Unfortunately, I was unable to grasp the courage to tell him until 5AM. He was already asleep. He got up at 8AM and left.
I told him that I'm sorry for being emotional all night. When I woke up later today, I just completely let loose and told him how Thomas crushed my hopes, my dreams and also my heart. Every time I tell someone about it, they tell me to get over it. I hope he doesn't tell me the same thing. It's very hard to get over something like that without putting it in the back of my mind so that I don't have to face what happened. It's like trying to keep a band-aid over cancer while he's there ripping it off and demanding that I get treatment - while the band-aid is made of duct tape.
I let him know the main points of what Thomas and I used to be. I told him about the magical day I met Thomas. I described his face, hair and attitude as if it had been just yesterday. I told him about how many "firsts" I had with Tom. I told him about the great connection he and I had and how we never really argued, we just talked things out. And lastly, I told him about the red light in the sunshine on a Sunday. I can't believe the amount that he knows about me now. This is dangerous. This could potentially break my heart later in life.
May 29, 2018
Last night, Nathan came over and practically resurfaced all of my problems. He pried at me. He's mad because of my indecisiveness. He told me that if I can't make up my mind about the little things such as, "what do you want to watch," then that means I can't make up my mind about the larger choices in life. The ripping and tearing he did. He looked me in the eye and bluntly asked me, "Lelia, what happened to you?" as if he knew that I haven't been indecisive ALL of my life. He prodded all night. Unfortunately, I was unable to grasp the courage to tell him until 5AM. He was already asleep. He got up at 8AM and left.
I told him that I'm sorry for being emotional all night. When I woke up later today, I just completely let loose and told him how Thomas crushed my hopes, my dreams and also my heart. Every time I tell someone about it, they tell me to get over it. I hope he doesn't tell me the same thing. It's very hard to get over something like that without putting it in the back of my mind so that I don't have to face what happened. It's like trying to keep a band-aid over cancer while he's there ripping it off and demanding that I get treatment - while the band-aid is made of duct tape.
I let him know the main points of what Thomas and I used to be. I told him about the magical day I met Thomas. I described his face, hair and attitude as if it had been just yesterday. I told him about how many "firsts" I had with Tom. I told him about the great connection he and I had and how we never really argued, we just talked things out. And lastly, I told him about the red light in the sunshine on a Sunday. I can't believe the amount that he knows about me now. This is dangerous. This could potentially break my heart later in life.