Posted 3-30-2002

[Nicole]

When I was younger I used to believe that you loved us, and that you were coming back. I just couldn't face the fact that you didn't ever love yourself therefore how could you love us. I remember your big arms around me as a child and remember how much pain I was in when you left. Something made me believe that it was partially our fault because you didn't want to pay child support and because you couldn't love mom any more, but lets face the truth. The truth as I see it now Dad is that you never loved us, you only wanted us because you wanted to hurt mom. My mom never did anything to hurt you. You made up all those lies about her seeing other men because you wanted to look like "the good guy", and even though when you told me those lies I listened, I never believed them. I allowed you to lie to me because I wanted a relationship with you at any cost, but now I am not going to ever have one. You think you are hurting me by giving me the "silent" treatment??? Actually you are helping me. You are helping me because I don't have to feel the guilt, and pain of knowing that you are going to "use" children (Ben and Michelle) against me. Knowing that you can't walk on me, knowing that you can no longer bend the rules and ask me for shit because you want to get things out of me all makes me feel good. Why I put up with it for so long is beyond me. I guess it was because you were in NY and I was here. I could keep a relationship with you at a distance. The truth is Dad, I never stopped loving you, and I never will. You can curse me into your grave and I will still place roses on it when you pass. I will love you forever, but I will no longer be your victiam. You will not use me and YOU WILL NOT USE BEN AND MICHELLE. You placed yourself in this position. You don't lie as good as you used to. Everyone can see you coming from a mile away. That is why you can't keep a relationship, because you are a lazy no good asshole who don't do shit for anyone else except himself and you are incapable of loving anyone unless they are your wife or girlfriend and are giving you some pussy. You are a first class asshole and I don't ever want to see your face again! Don't call me!
Love
Nicole
P.S. I'm moving on (like the song) .. Life has been patiently waiting for me.... I never thought home would end up where I don't belong, but I'm movin on!
(so fuck you)