Post by Nicole on Dec 20, 2004 13:46:54 GMT -5
I slumbered into the nightmares out, in, out in. He was there, yet not. I pulled into the drieway after work in the morning on wednesday. It was they day I'd come home at 6:00am every week. I pulled my car into the drive as I seen them duck his head into the back of the police cruiser. The state's welfare car was there and a lady was getting ready to put my kids into the back of it. My three beautiful children into the back seat of a welfare car. I knew that they were leaving and I knew where they were going. I wanted them.
When I asked him what was going on, the police officer acted like I had no right to know what my husband was being charged with. I said "look I need some closure I just need to ask him so I can know if I have to move on with my life. The officer didn't look like he wanted to give me one minute to ask the question but he did give me the minute. He opened up the back of the door and I asked Mike "what is this all about". Mike's only responce was "Samoy Jackson. She's a student."
I wanted to hear no more. I knew and shook my head like I knew. I shut the door with a thud and I turned my head to cry. No tears came. Just pain in the rasp of my voice. I then looked at the CPS lady who was standing there with my children waiting for the word of the officer to decide weather to leave them in my care or to take them with me. So I said "You can leave them with me. I am their mother. I had no idea that this was going on." The police officer pointed to the back seat of her car and said "For their safety I'd take them until you are done with the investigation." The Cps lady started to put my children in the back of the car, and ran over to the car. I held the door a minute and said can't we just talk about this in the house.
I could tell this made her even more nervous and she started to pull my children closer to the vehicle. My older daughter was being very polite and nice, she said nothing. I could see the despair in my 8 year olds eyes and I let go of the door. I put my hand on the bottomb of her jacket with my lips curled and ready to cry. One single tear made its way down my face and I said "Its okay baby, no one will ever keep us apart. I promise that no matter what this lady says or does I will always be there for you. I will never let them take you away from me for good. I will always be your mother. You have to go with her for now, but I will be seeing you soon. Sooner than you think." I embraced her, and let her go. "You take care of our babies. You are the only one they have. Don't let anyone mess with my babies." I told her and she shook her head in acknowledgement. She knew deep within what I meant. I knew that she would do whatever it took to make sure that my babies were cared for. Big sisters have a way with their younger siblings. The CPS lady looked at me and I would not leave. She asked me to go into the house and I said "If you are going to take my children away from me then you are going to have to let them see me as they are riding away. So they remember who took them away. So they know that the state did this to them, not me." She looked upset that I'd said so, but I knew that if I just went into the house it was like saying "I give up." I watched them ride away, and then I fell to the ground. I did not get up from the ground for 40 minutes. I laid there in my tears and snot pulling the grass from the ground. Occasionally hitting it from time to time. When I got up, and cleared my head. I went into the house, and put on a pot of tea. My sister came over, and mom. I told them that I would get my kids back. I would get my kids back come hell or high water. Don't expect me to be in this state any longer. I would take them back if I had to. They are mine.
When I asked him what was going on, the police officer acted like I had no right to know what my husband was being charged with. I said "look I need some closure I just need to ask him so I can know if I have to move on with my life. The officer didn't look like he wanted to give me one minute to ask the question but he did give me the minute. He opened up the back of the door and I asked Mike "what is this all about". Mike's only responce was "Samoy Jackson. She's a student."
I wanted to hear no more. I knew and shook my head like I knew. I shut the door with a thud and I turned my head to cry. No tears came. Just pain in the rasp of my voice. I then looked at the CPS lady who was standing there with my children waiting for the word of the officer to decide weather to leave them in my care or to take them with me. So I said "You can leave them with me. I am their mother. I had no idea that this was going on." The police officer pointed to the back seat of her car and said "For their safety I'd take them until you are done with the investigation." The Cps lady started to put my children in the back of the car, and ran over to the car. I held the door a minute and said can't we just talk about this in the house.
I could tell this made her even more nervous and she started to pull my children closer to the vehicle. My older daughter was being very polite and nice, she said nothing. I could see the despair in my 8 year olds eyes and I let go of the door. I put my hand on the bottomb of her jacket with my lips curled and ready to cry. One single tear made its way down my face and I said "Its okay baby, no one will ever keep us apart. I promise that no matter what this lady says or does I will always be there for you. I will never let them take you away from me for good. I will always be your mother. You have to go with her for now, but I will be seeing you soon. Sooner than you think." I embraced her, and let her go. "You take care of our babies. You are the only one they have. Don't let anyone mess with my babies." I told her and she shook her head in acknowledgement. She knew deep within what I meant. I knew that she would do whatever it took to make sure that my babies were cared for. Big sisters have a way with their younger siblings. The CPS lady looked at me and I would not leave. She asked me to go into the house and I said "If you are going to take my children away from me then you are going to have to let them see me as they are riding away. So they remember who took them away. So they know that the state did this to them, not me." She looked upset that I'd said so, but I knew that if I just went into the house it was like saying "I give up." I watched them ride away, and then I fell to the ground. I did not get up from the ground for 40 minutes. I laid there in my tears and snot pulling the grass from the ground. Occasionally hitting it from time to time. When I got up, and cleared my head. I went into the house, and put on a pot of tea. My sister came over, and mom. I told them that I would get my kids back. I would get my kids back come hell or high water. Don't expect me to be in this state any longer. I would take them back if I had to. They are mine.