Post by Cole on Feb 4, 2023 11:55:48 GMT -5
I'm really having a rough week but it isn't a bad thing in a way. I met someone at church and he is so beautiful. His light is shining through the clouds and it is really hard for me to understand what is going on in my mind. I can't tell him that I love him because it's way too soon for that but I know that I have some very strong feelings and he's such a beautiful person and when I say strong feelings a lot of times people don't understand that my feelings are about 10 times more than other people's. I feel like I am afraid and scared and don't know what to do with myself all at once. I had it all together now I do not I feel like I have lost control of my life of the sort of control that I had over myself and my body and he has complete control over all of that right now. I don't even know what to do with myself it is weird and I don't know how to act. I don't know how to express myself I am confused I have no idea what's going on in my head sometimes and I am lost in a way it is a good thing in a way it is a bad thing I don't even know how to act. His softness kindness and patience has drawn me to him but I have noticed that he has very strong words at times and that makes me very afraid because I cannot handle one more heartbreak. This is why I can't even utter the words I love you but it is way too soon for those words. So I just wait and I don't want anything bad to happen I don't want any bad feelings I am scared I am terrified and I do not even know what I'm thinking. So I love to wrap my arms around him and smell his skin and touch him and just be next to him and it seems as if even though there are imperfections he is perfect in a way. I put him on a pedestal but I'm not sure if that is a good thing. I have withdrawn this week because I became very frustrated as I didn't know how to handle all of these feelings and thoughts in my mind. I just have no idea what I'm doing with myself. I don't know what to do.