Post by Leels on Feb 21, 2021 0:37:10 GMT -5
Dear Journal,
February 20, 2021
Nathan and I've officially had our 3rd fight in the past 3 years (next month) we've been seeing each other. It wasn't great. It's difficult to go through a relationship with someone that doesn't have very much in common with you. Him and I are pretty much polar opposites. While I like going to new places to see things I've never seen before, he prefers to stay at home and play video games. I love the sunshine and he prefers the darkness and doesn't like being seen during the day. I express in words my level of romance towards someone and he expresses it in actions. While I do have a deep appreciation for staying at home and the darkness, I also know that I would never be able to appreciate those things without their opposites. And, our love languages are very different from one another. We have a hard time finding stuff that both of us can enjoy together and sometimes it bothers me. I feel like we're grasping at straws sometimes trying to do stuff that couples do. I want to learn video games so that we can be that typical couple that plays them with each other. But it's hard because I'm a PC gamer and he's a console guy. And those controllers are just foreign to me. I bought a hulu subscription so that we can find something to watch together. But we get side-tracked a lot due to our animalistic needs. That's the one thing we have down pat. We haven't ever stopped being physically attracted to one another. I've never told him that I'm not up for sex. The only time that's not ideal is when he's drunk which is completely self-explanatory.
Anyways, onto the content of the fight. I bought an MP3 player because my car's radio has been in and out for the past few months and I'm not in the position to actually fix the problem right now. I put songs on there that I thought he might enjoy based on his suggestions and his YouTube account. But instead of maybe trying to see the songs I had to offer him, he flipped through all of my songs and scoffed at them because he hated them. All of them. And I hate when someone bashes my taste in music instead of trying to understand it. He eventually turned the MP3 player off because he'd rather listen to silence. I complained that I wanted to listen to music and he pulled his phone out as if my music wasn't good enough for him and - I hit him. In the knee.
I said, "Obviously you have a problem with every fucking thing I listen to."
He replied, "Are you serious right now?"
I said, "Yes," and he was silent the rest of the night.
When we got to my house, I tried to tell him that I was sorry. I told him it's just annoying how we can't enjoy many things together and that it's hard to find common ground. And assured him I wasn't trying to make his night worse. He said nothing and silently stepped out of the car to smoke a cigarette. He flicked the butt into the driveway and then waited for me to come out of the car. Once inside, he didn't try to touch any of the cats. He descended into the basement while I went into the bathroom to cry. I hate fighting with him. I stayed up all night hoping this stupid thing wouldn't end our relationship. He slept with his back towards me on the far end of the bed all night while I was up and down worrying about us.
I woke him up in the morning and he got ready to go. The only words that came out of his mouth were regarding the sandwich the cats got into during the night, "Who got into your sandwich?"
I said monotoned, "Well, it certainly wasn't me."
I dropped him off at his house and without a kiss goodbye said desperately, "Let me know if you're ever going to talk to me again."
I cried as soon as he shut my car door and went into the house. I couldn't move from my spot for hours. My body was stiff. My eyes held uncontrollable tears. I texted him, in a panic, "I'm sorry for hitting you. You deserve better than that."
He texted back, "I want you to think of all the times (0) I hit you because you were annoying me."
The next 36 hours after that were complete pain as the silence he held towards me hurt my soul. I couldn't stop thinking about how he might be, whether he's having a good day or not, if he's off'd himself, if he's okay, if he'd been eating anything etc. I couldn't help myself, so I sent another text message wishing him well and apologizing once again for what happened. Several hours later, he finally answered and we made up. He asked me to come get him and bring him to my house.
When he finally got back into my car, he sat in the passenger seat holding an entire package of pepperoni. Todd's pepperoni. That he would notice went missing the second he woke up. I was afraid of what would come next out of his mouth to me, but he was kind to me. We got downstairs and he undressed me carefully. I was shaking with no idea what was going to go on. We held each other, skin on skin and talked about the problem. After that, he surprisingly got handsy. I was still shaking the entire time - I didn't expect him to want me like that after just getting over another bump in the road. I didn't know if he was going to have his way with me or if he was going to stop abruptly or if he was going to tell me something that would hurt me in my most vulnerable state (which is naked and aroused.) But he made love to me. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Either way, I'm just glad to be on better terms with him again. I love him.
February 20, 2021
Nathan and I've officially had our 3rd fight in the past 3 years (next month) we've been seeing each other. It wasn't great. It's difficult to go through a relationship with someone that doesn't have very much in common with you. Him and I are pretty much polar opposites. While I like going to new places to see things I've never seen before, he prefers to stay at home and play video games. I love the sunshine and he prefers the darkness and doesn't like being seen during the day. I express in words my level of romance towards someone and he expresses it in actions. While I do have a deep appreciation for staying at home and the darkness, I also know that I would never be able to appreciate those things without their opposites. And, our love languages are very different from one another. We have a hard time finding stuff that both of us can enjoy together and sometimes it bothers me. I feel like we're grasping at straws sometimes trying to do stuff that couples do. I want to learn video games so that we can be that typical couple that plays them with each other. But it's hard because I'm a PC gamer and he's a console guy. And those controllers are just foreign to me. I bought a hulu subscription so that we can find something to watch together. But we get side-tracked a lot due to our animalistic needs. That's the one thing we have down pat. We haven't ever stopped being physically attracted to one another. I've never told him that I'm not up for sex. The only time that's not ideal is when he's drunk which is completely self-explanatory.
Anyways, onto the content of the fight. I bought an MP3 player because my car's radio has been in and out for the past few months and I'm not in the position to actually fix the problem right now. I put songs on there that I thought he might enjoy based on his suggestions and his YouTube account. But instead of maybe trying to see the songs I had to offer him, he flipped through all of my songs and scoffed at them because he hated them. All of them. And I hate when someone bashes my taste in music instead of trying to understand it. He eventually turned the MP3 player off because he'd rather listen to silence. I complained that I wanted to listen to music and he pulled his phone out as if my music wasn't good enough for him and - I hit him. In the knee.
I said, "Obviously you have a problem with every fucking thing I listen to."
He replied, "Are you serious right now?"
I said, "Yes," and he was silent the rest of the night.
When we got to my house, I tried to tell him that I was sorry. I told him it's just annoying how we can't enjoy many things together and that it's hard to find common ground. And assured him I wasn't trying to make his night worse. He said nothing and silently stepped out of the car to smoke a cigarette. He flicked the butt into the driveway and then waited for me to come out of the car. Once inside, he didn't try to touch any of the cats. He descended into the basement while I went into the bathroom to cry. I hate fighting with him. I stayed up all night hoping this stupid thing wouldn't end our relationship. He slept with his back towards me on the far end of the bed all night while I was up and down worrying about us.
I woke him up in the morning and he got ready to go. The only words that came out of his mouth were regarding the sandwich the cats got into during the night, "Who got into your sandwich?"
I said monotoned, "Well, it certainly wasn't me."
I dropped him off at his house and without a kiss goodbye said desperately, "Let me know if you're ever going to talk to me again."
I cried as soon as he shut my car door and went into the house. I couldn't move from my spot for hours. My body was stiff. My eyes held uncontrollable tears. I texted him, in a panic, "I'm sorry for hitting you. You deserve better than that."
He texted back, "I want you to think of all the times (0) I hit you because you were annoying me."
The next 36 hours after that were complete pain as the silence he held towards me hurt my soul. I couldn't stop thinking about how he might be, whether he's having a good day or not, if he's off'd himself, if he's okay, if he'd been eating anything etc. I couldn't help myself, so I sent another text message wishing him well and apologizing once again for what happened. Several hours later, he finally answered and we made up. He asked me to come get him and bring him to my house.
When he finally got back into my car, he sat in the passenger seat holding an entire package of pepperoni. Todd's pepperoni. That he would notice went missing the second he woke up. I was afraid of what would come next out of his mouth to me, but he was kind to me. We got downstairs and he undressed me carefully. I was shaking with no idea what was going to go on. We held each other, skin on skin and talked about the problem. After that, he surprisingly got handsy. I was still shaking the entire time - I didn't expect him to want me like that after just getting over another bump in the road. I didn't know if he was going to have his way with me or if he was going to stop abruptly or if he was going to tell me something that would hurt me in my most vulnerable state (which is naked and aroused.) But he made love to me. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Either way, I'm just glad to be on better terms with him again. I love him.